Guilt

“Food, love, career, and mothers are the four major guilt groups.” – Cathy Guisewite

June 19, 2013 | | Two Blue Boots

I spend so much time hanging my head in shame that I’m worried my head will eventually snap off!  I am on the receiving end of a lot of guilt – particularly from the Professionals in my life. People who are paid a fee to perform a service for me – make me feel guilty!

I feel guilty when I go to see my Doctor because I have fallen off of the diet/exercise wagon – again.  I feel guilty when I go to the Dentist because I don’t floss as often as I should.  And, if I do floss, I am not doing it properly. I am reminded that I need to wear my night guard every night because my persistent night-grinding is causing my teeth to crumble into dust.

The Chiropractor reminds me that I need to do the prescribed daily exercises (rolling around on a foam roller and walking 20 feet with a huge elastic band around my knees) because my successful healing is contingent on my contribution to the program.

The Car Mechanic reminds me that if I maintained a more faithful tune-up schedule I would not require expensive emergency service on my vehicle. How often are you supposed to change the oil anyway?

The Doggie Groomer reminds me that if I would bathe and brush my dogs more often, I would not need to bring them to her in a filthy, tatted and unrecognizable condition.

My most recent guilt-inducing incident occurred at the Vet’s office. My cat, Grommet, was placed on the scale and it was announced he was marginally overweight. I was reminded overweight animals are prone to all kinds of health issues. The following conversation ensued:

Vet:  What type of food do you feed this cat?

Me:   The kind that comes in the tin can.

Vet:  What brand of cat food is it?

Me:  Well… I’m… Whiskies?  Friskies?  The can has a picture of a cat on the front.  I think it is a white cat… yes… it is a close-up of a white cat and I believe the cat is leaning against its own little cat paw…  and sort of gazing into space.

Vet:  I see. What percentage of crude protein does your cat food provide?

Me:  Uh… that is something I do not know.

The interrogation escalated and I continued to blurt out lame and inept answers.  I squirmed uncomfortably until the appointment was finally over.  I paid my $200 bill and was given strict instructions to read the ingredient list on the can.  I was also told to keep a food journal and record every single calorie that goes into my cat’s mouth. I promised that I would follow all of the advice I’d been given and I walked slowly to my car – with my head hung low.

About the Author More by Laurie May

Laurie teaches Grade 4 at Island Lake Public School in Orangeville and writes in her spare time. She lives in Mono and looks for the humour in everyday country life. Check out her blog “Two Blue Boots”.

Comments

14 Comments

  1. Welcome, Susan. I hope you enjoy reading the posts as much as I enjoy writing them.

    Laurie May from Mono on Jan 9, 2014 at 11:06 am | Reply

  2. Yea Laurie: You have always been able to make me laugh. I just found these and this is my first read. It is cold, windy and not good for human consumption outside, so I am going to spend my time reading all of your blogs.

    SUSAN TROWBRIDGE from Canada on Jan 7, 2014 at 3:28 pm | Reply

  3. Well thank-you very much Mrs. Malone and Daughter Moe. I appreciate your compliments. I must admit that I love the photograph that appeared in In The Hills magazine too. The photo was taken by local photographer Rosemary Hasner. My next blog entry is about the experience of having my picture taken. Stay tuned.

    Laurie May on Jul 19, 2013 at 11:36 pm | Reply

  4. Hi Laurie, your picture makes me think of all the times you came to our house for visits, you look very pretty, and have not changed. Moe and I loved your article too, best of luck and look forward to reading more next time I’m up.
    Love Mrs. Malone and Daughter Moe

    Mrs. Malone on Jul 19, 2013 at 6:15 pm | Reply

  5. Laurie! Too funny! My technique to combating guilters is to smile and nod but it doesn’t always work LOL

    Amanda McGarry from Orangeville on Jun 23, 2013 at 10:11 pm | Reply

  6. Laurie I love your blog! I so giggled and life is just that life, if we can’t laugh and see the funnier side to things life would be very dull! I soo look forward to hearing more from you! Great job!!

    Chrysty Newman from Ayr on Jun 20, 2013 at 9:59 pm | Reply

  7. I could actually see the converstation with the vet unfolding as I read it! I was chuckling and nodding along the whole time. Thanks for making the ordinary something to laugh at. Looking forward to your next blog.

    Diane on Jun 20, 2013 at 4:56 pm | Reply

  8. Loved your story Laurie and can identify with it completely! I forgot my prescription list on a visit to a new doctor and they actually expect you to remember those long, unpronounceable names and not just say well one is for___ and one is for___!
    Keep writing!

    Gail Smith on Jun 20, 2013 at 2:03 pm | Reply

  9. We’re probably at the same vet!! Any chance you also have trouble with Rogers Technical support?

    Great blog. Look forward what;s next.

    Arlene

    arlene noble from Canada on Jun 20, 2013 at 12:39 pm | Reply

  10. You had me! Lots of those things have happened to me too. But it is so much funnier when you point them out. Want to hear more from you.

    Norma Gee on Jun 20, 2013 at 9:44 am | Reply

    • Thanks MOM!!!!

      Laurie May on Jun 20, 2013 at 3:49 pm | Reply

  11. Thanks so much for your kind comments, Jeff and Valerie. I am so excited to be a part of IN THE HILLS!

    Laurie May on Jun 19, 2013 at 9:14 pm | Reply

  12. Great story, Laurie. You better get over to the optometrist and update your glasses so you can read the impossibly small print on the food labels. That goes for pet food and people food!

    Valerie on Jun 19, 2013 at 8:43 pm | Reply

  13. Laughed out loud more than once to this story. I have so been there, done that. Thanks so much for a wonderful contribution.

    Jeff

    Jeff Rollings on Jun 19, 2013 at 8:40 pm | Reply

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