Author and playwright Dan Needles is a recipient of the Leacock Medal for Humour and the Order of Canada. He lives on a small farm in Nottawa.
Age 65 came and went without a gold watch or a cake, or any of those earnest speeches assuring me how much I would be missed.
There was something totally manic about Champlain. He crossed the Atlantic some 27 times without losing a shipmate.
You made up your mind between one or the other when you turned 16 and you drove that make for the rest of your life. If you drove a Toyota into town, as I did, you would be watched …
People seldom bother you when you are up 20 feet painting an eavestrough, just as they don’t come near you when you are beekeeping or forking steamy piles of manure.
Coyotes are like hotel burglars. They won’t force a lock, but if a door is left open, they will slip in and strip the place to the walls.
For most of the century before I arrived, this old house hosted a parade of smoker-drinker-carnivores who poured Paris green arsenic on their potato plants and thought cleansing of any kind was weakening.
That made me think – grumpy old middle-class white guys who live in the country?
“Painted barns are a symptom of an overheated economy, just like the whiz kids driving around downtown Toronto in a BMW with two payments made on it.”
If you’ve ever wondered why they have height, width and weight restrictions on science projects at your school, it’s because of cousin Eddie’s corn dryer.
I discovered at an early age that people who work outside with their hands tend to be more grounded than the rest of the population.
“Nothing lives longer than a horse with a health problem!” says the vet as he purrs out the lane in his limited edition Land Rover.
Will it last through the family reunion this weekend? Should I have it tested? How do I explain delicately to the guests that long showers are not an option?
Then the sun emerged and I saw a glint of gold rim on the gravel bottom.
“I’ve had a little mishap here.”
All Lorne had to do was sit in a rocking chair with a Bible on his lap as scenes from his life unfolded around him.
There was a lot of crumpled paper on the floor, the theme music would falter, and you could see this was all pretty difficult for him.
I shared a party line with Kenny for 20 years. It was a forerunner to the Internet chat room and I found it essential for staying abreast of current affairs.
Ferdinand followed Duke around all day, trying to chase cats with him and bark when visitors arrived.